Excited: 4 days

For those of you who do not know I am going to Camden in the next 4days. I have a seperate blog for that trip. Since I like to explain to people that this is my "ranting, I have something to say blog" I decided that this entry fit that. So I hope you enjoy. :)

ex·cit·ed

ADJECTIVE:

1. Being in a state of excitement; emotionally aroused; stirred.

2. Physics Being at an energy level higher than the ground state.

ex·cite

TRANSITIVE VERB:
ex·cit·ed , ex·cit·ing , ex·cites

1. To stir to activity.
2. To call forth (a reaction or emotion, for example); elicit: odd noises that excited our curiosity.
3. To arouse strong feeling in: speakers who know how to excite a crowd. See Synonyms at provoke.
4. Physiology To produce increased activity or response in (an organ, tissue, or part); stimulate.
5. Physics
1. To increase the energy of.
2. To raise (an atom, for example) to a higher energy level.

This whole time I have been afraid to say that I am excited. Somehow, I thought me saying that I was excited somehow made me view myself higher than the students that I am going to be in contact with. But I do not believe I fully thought it through or gave myself enough credit for knowing that my excitement was not the "Oh, I'm going to go save this town"..... The type of excitement that is gained because I believed that I was going to be giving something to them.

I'm not sure if I'm making sense.

Let me try to explain further. The Camden trip that I am going on came to me as a "missions" oppurtunity through my universities Office of World Missions. The other day my mom was talking to one of her friends and when she asked what I was going to be doing this summer and maybe even after I graduate she quickly responded with "Oh, mission work."

(WARNING: People might take offense to the next thing that I say).

But I was disgusted and quickly chimed in with a blantant "Umm, No that's not what I'm doing." My roomie the other day asked me if I hate mission trips so much what makes Camden different.

(SIDE.NOTE: I absolutely honestly love my triangle because they are always the first to call me out on things).

I was able to give my roomie a quick answer but like always when someone calls me out on something I think about it for a long time after.

First. I like to say that I never will "knocc" anyone for doing what they do. (TRANSLATION: I do not like to judge people). BUT what I have learned about mission trips and heard from those who had missionaries living amongst them in their home country, and what I know about the Western mind-frame, and of course what missionaries did the Natives of this country and Central America, and countries in Africa, and countries in South America, and the Philipines has made me very disgusted with the missionary field. Those are the things that disgust me. And this will now link up with what I was talking about earlier. Many times I have witnessed at my universities peoples amazement in serving in Africa because they hope to save it. Or people just having a mindset of "Oh, I'm going to this exotic place to play with kids and tell them about my "God, I am so excited".

And I guess my definition of excitement was altered because of that which made me weary to actually say it.

However, my excitement is for being impacted. I am excited to learn. To be humbled. To be amazed. To be shaken. I am excited for the experience. For the people that I will come in contact with and overall bonding with a unique group of women. What I am most excited for are the students, or young adults...the children...the youth. There is something amazing about the youth...

To think I actually gave that word so much thought LoL. Welcome to my brain.

Today is my last day in LA, I'm heading up to Moreno Valley tonight and Azusa on Monday then first stop Chicago I believe. I have the biggest problem with following through so it is absolutely crazy that I really followed through with this. Everything that has happened; man God is good.