take 2.

i wrote this really neat blog earlier about snails... im convinced you would have loved it. unfortunately west la internet turned against and deleted everything... but i do remember i addressed a few things..

first. yes my blog is written how i choose to write it... with no regards to the technicalities (it's purposeful)

second. oh there was a picture of snail so i remember just confirming that there was a picture of snail

third. this is downtown los angeles from a far

i've been learning a lot about myself in these past few days... and i know there is much more to learn. i came to the realization of how much i am used to structure. and the thing is for so long i thought it was structured situations that stifled me. but in reality its' structures that do not nurture my need to create question and explore that is harmful...

the hardest part of this transition is being away from friends and all the free time i have... two things that i was convinced would have been the best things for me... being away from people and having free time... go figure.

tmw i'm going to work on just doing something fun... and appreciating this time that i have... overall ive come to the conclusion that systems and all that will always be there... but the people i can affect one by one... doing life with people is what is important... i've been reading a monk in the inner city... and she talks about the concept of community... and how de-radicalized she became because she realized the importance of doing life with people...

i think thats where a lot of revolutionaries miss it... we get so wrapped up in freeing the people... that we forget about the people... i have a tattoo to remind me of that... but like most of my tattoos it has begun to gain greater meaning as i do life

speaking with old friends... has also done well for me... made me realize that i'm not crazy... and that most people want change but havent been given the opportunity to bring it about... but somehow i have this drive this vision and all this damn free time lol... a burden and a privilege.

im going to slow down a bit... look around... breathe... just be for a while... take it in...

random thoughts

i'm forcing myself to sleep in a room by myself tonight... i dnt think ill last for long

talking to people who know you well will make you feel sane

i almost forgot what great of a support system ive had in the past years

a conversation on rainbows and light can make my day so much more... dare i say it.... brighter :)

i have hope in my self.

things are getting better.

i had a slight break down today... but i got better... and realized a few things

fear is almost in my past...

quote of the day

..."i began to discover that the journey from fear to courage had something to do with entering the good fight, no matter how frightened i was." -mary lou kownacki