Today.

It is always interesting to me the events that may occur that leads me to want to write. Yet, I seldom bring myself to recording or expressing the things I think about. I believe I have held my thoughts so dear to me that the idea of someone being able to critique it was something I wanted to stay clear from. However, the more I learn, the more I realize that people are nuts and they are way "wackier" (if that’s a word) and have way more radical ideas than the ones I think about. Haha.

Well, honestly I have begun to appreciate the thought process that results in being published. We need to express ourselves, write things done, and speak. Because regardless there will be people who will and they (most of the time) will not represent what everyone thinks or believes. Therefore, I say all of this to tell you guys and gals :) about the events that happened today that led me to write...

Well my nose has been going through a little change of its own. Finally with much nagging from my mom and friends I went to the doctor. My new doctor is Ethiopian (this will matter in a bit). I walked in with a newspaper (The New York Times), and began expressing to him the problem with my nose. Fastwording. We talked about my major and what exactly I wanted to do with that. Which is every ones question when I say Poli-Sci International Relations. (Secretly sometimes I wish I could tell people that my goal in life is to liberate the Ghettos just to see what their reaction may be. :).....) He randomly asked if I was planning to join a Sorority...and this is where our convo took an interesting turn.

What I have found many times when talking with immigrant blacks and especially first generation immigrants from African countries is their disgust to what they call "laziness" in the Black American communities. Like the rest of the world they look down upon these people and blame them for the situations they are in. Their reason behind this is they came here and did things for themselves so why can't everyone do the same.

My reasoning behind joining a sorority has always been that they would help me with connections. When I explained this to him. He said, "You are not Black." I was taken aback by this statement because I did not know where he was going with this. It was weird but I said, "Well, I am Belizean," without any thought to it. This was the answer I gave to people a couple years ago when I did not want to carry the burden of being "Black." Yet, I know, I talk about this all of the time, my ethnic background is Belizean but I am Black when it comes to my race. It was interesting to me that when cornered I took a different direction, a scared direction, one that did not challenge him but submitted to his claim. Very much like me.

The conversation continued. He told me, "If I dropped you off in Watts or Compton, you would not fit in there...you are not the same as them..." I laughed. I figured I will not argue with this guy I will let him talk, lets see where this goes. He said, "You are an American, there is no such thing as race." I told him, "Well race has been socially constructed." He answered, "Yes, it has therefore, you must act as if it does not exist." He added, "People who come to this country and other places they just worry about doing better for themselves that’s what you need to do."

I have been deemed as crazy by some because I have continued to say that my goal in life is not to gain money. I do not think success is measured by how large your bank account is. I will not deny that there are times that I am a victim of my need to consume material things yet I try my hardest not to be that way. I have seen things that I do not see as fair. And I use fair for lack of a better term. Therefore, if I can affect change in a way that it will create the smallest movement to bring about a shift in thought then that will bring me joy.

I do not believe the things that I believe because I think it will get me into heaven; I do not believe these things because I think it is the right thing to do. I believe that our understanding of right and wrong are on such a shaky foundation that it can not be my reasoning. I want to do things like liberating the ghettos, making sure people have food on their table, bring about empowerment to those who have been dis-empowered because there is no reason that they should not be granted any of those things.

The conversation continued. It ended when he told me that "pushing for Blacks to unite will never happen..."

I left in thought. Wondering where do I stand. Inspired to write.

Grace ♥